Find ways

Article Index

Based on the above assumptions and on the basis of the listed educational theories and backgrounds, it is important to me in the support and assistance of the entrusted to me in my work minors, me to know them on a common path.

First, it is important the child to accept the way it is. With its possibilities and limitations, with its difficulties and problems. The satisfaction of emotional needs must be checked and the behavior shown must be analysed. It is important to note that this is not just about the child or young person, but that this analysis also its surroundings, the system in which it is to hear. All this - including my own person - influence the behavior, are part of it.

If it seems necessary, I avail myself of Teacher. Often the personal life story is characterized by fractures and conflictual relations, which influence the further development. The editor of his own biography makes it clear who I am and where I come from. Often explained by the biography behavior today, current conflicts. At the same time successfully coped with difficulties are detected. Coping strategies are clarified and addressed as a resource.

As part of a partnership dialogue I try with the child or young person to develop a personal goal. We often think we know what the child or adolescent needs, what should be the next step in the accompaniment, assistance or encouragement. My experience is that the self-generated (using) goals have the best chance to be consistently pursued.

In the accompaniment of the child or young person on his way, it is important for me to pick it "where it is" in its possibilities, abilities and taking into account its limits. Which reminds me help the mentioned "pro-development of relationships", acceptance and appreciation of my counterpart and unconditional obligation in the relationship. Where it lacks internal maintenance by absent or inadequate conditions, I try to give support. On this basis, ways can identified, answers are found together.

Many escorted me minors have, inter alia, the problem of missing security and this especially in the area of ​​their relations, so-called relationship uncertainty. This may have many different reasons: In its development, the conditions have not yet been formed or strengthened enough. There were cracks and separations in the existing relations, crisis, disappointment and much more. As varied as the causes may be, so different are the solutions. But one thing is common to all: a prerequisite for further development in the socio-emotional area is the production of security relationship by a caregiver. After many breakthroughs this is often quite difficult. Children and young people with such experiences it falls usually very difficult to build trust and relationships allow. They often show behaviors which to build even the opposite, make the others not easily a relationship. This creates a circle through which structures and behavior consolidate continues to confirm and often let nothing new. Power struggles happen and ultimately the child gets the label "relationship disturbed", "aggressive" and the like.

How can ways be found here? In my view - and in my experience - are (at least!) Two things needed

  1. Manufacture of commitment
  2. Provide a "no-advance-being accepted"

Both things are connected to each other and without not possible. Liability is required not only in my words and actions, but also in my relationship design. That means for me, "I'll take you to and seriously, just as you are. I'll submit my hand, and I will not retreat ... no matter how you behave."That means for me, to give relationship commitments detached from behavior. That means for me, with a "Yes" answer to the call of "Love me when I least deserve it, because then I need it most" (Ed. Unknown).

This can only happen when I am ready, without a bias to assume the child / young person in turn. I convey to him: "My relationship with you is not dependent on whether you" "are, if you do what I say" loving. That means NOT for me, I accept the behavior, any behavior, any aggression. That means for me is NOT, everything is ok and is already. That means for me is NOT, "leaving things to make there own course" and you can do what you want. Rather it comes to accept the child / young person with his problems (including his aggression belongs). Not make the relationship depends.


There is now this child with so-called "challenging behavior". And the more I respect, commitment, promises offering, the more increases the behavior. So it all wrong? Not at all! In children, which massive relationship crashes behind them, which get more and more rejection because of their behavior, I have to assume that these if their experiences simply can not believe when you meet them that way. They are (unfortunately!) Usually accustomed to but then at some point, the point comes at which they are rejected because of their behavior. To spare yourself disappointment and renewed "their theory" (or work experience) to confirm, you are looking for this item (which yes has to come!), Provoke him, driving more and more "guns" on.

But how does one of these? And it is at all possible, such a child to adopt, as described above? Without wholesale?

I think so, and it's worth it! Sure, it is often laborious and perhaps also touched time and again its own borders. But if we do not always hand suffice - then who? The child comes solely from this circle barely.

The decisive factor is sure that you know yourself accepted. Without wholesale. With its possibilities and limitations. I myself scoop this necessary strength from my Christian faith and the certainty of being worn in this often difficult match situations and also not to have everything in hand and must have. 

In my view it is important also, open to others and for new ways to remain, even to think outside the box. Time and again to throw concepts overboard and to check his own ideas.

Therefore, the conclusion again  Paul Moor pinch of these children:

"If we consider the educational treatment as we can be such children in our homes given, we realize how much they amount again only one attempt at improvement of life and order of life, without being able to ignite the spark in the first place, the force to hergäbe to experience all the sense Sometimes the education may move towards on this one;. but she knows it too little clearly, they feel it myself not in its full urgency and can not get through, so she is itself too little covered by it. . The educators in the home have probably themselves what they should give to the child in such a situation, but they have long since taken in forms that are only their own lives properly, a measured, moderate, pacified life you have probably had similar experiences. and have it passed, but never met them in such devastating force, and therefore their own emotion is not enough to connect with the needs of the child entrusted to them. Only with a gentle glow they try to act where it would require a blazing fire blight to be able to help ... If we want to help such a child, we must descend into the incompleteness of his youth, so we have to forget our ready-made solutions of the riddle of life so we should not be too bad, in entitled in his depravity and his aberrations, as if they were ours, and must be willing to go all the way under these we often almost seem hopeless conditions with the child again, again to search. As long as we are not as strong seized with the plight of the child, as himself, as long as it does not make us restless and despair drives as long as we do not despair with the child, as long as we try in vain to show the child how to despair endures and overcomes.

How many children we encounter that experienced much more, much more experienced, to endure a lot more and have wade, as we were ever imposed on us who come from happy childhood, always came up to the problems until the ripe old age, to a good education, a skilled talent, have a happy disposition. Do we want to help them, then we must above all know this, that we most of what we want to give them myself only to learn still have in each individual case all over again." (Source: Paul Moor, "Umwelt, Mitwelt, Heimat", Moor Garden Verlag, Zurich, 1963, p 212 f)

Is this possible? The claim of Paul Moor can be reached extremely high and certainly hardly consistent. To move it, piece by piece, therefore, a permanent reflection of the own trade and own attitude is necessary. Paul Moor devoted this need several separate chapters in his books: "From the self-education of the educator"